Following God’s charge will always lead to a perfect and righteous outcome, and one that leads people to experiencing Christ’s joy.
The Lord charged me with sharing this before month’s end, and I am so glad He did. The outcome was perfect for showing how God’s work can be glorified in our lives. It also helped me to see that my experience was not mine alone, but for God to prove His Work and deliverance to our lives.
On Friday, October 4th in the wee hours of the morning I received my healing.
Let me share with you.
For the past 7 years, I have experienced severe vertigo; pain, swelling, tension, weakness, and twitching throughout the left side of my body; sharp, recurrent pain; an extreme nystagmus resulting in extreme exhaustion; severe headaches on the left of my head; deterred, slurred and severely slowed speech; persistent and recurring hemorrhagic cysts with resulting pain, vomiting and loss of bodily control.
Constant hospital & doctor visits would render no official result. I was told on some occasions that this was “normal” for my age.
I am 37.
In 2012 when the manifestation of certain symptoms began to pursue, I was 30.
In July 2012, I was 29 at the time, working at my church wrapping up media cables at the close of service. The steps up to the pulpit had a decent rise to them, and I was just standing on one of the steps. Without realizing, I began to fall backward. My brain did not register that I was falling. When I finally felt the sway, my left foot went back, and I caught myself. I remember thinking, “Whoa. That was really weird!” I didn’t realize that events to follow would trickle from my having experienced this sudden change.
At times I felt utterly hopeless and just wanted this endless cycle to end. Some doctors persisted, while others I began to feel as though they were putting me off.
I would realize that if others could not make sense of it, because I “looked normal and alright” on the outside, then perhaps it was not as severe. Everyone experiences pain, right?
I remember violently vomiting in 2015, shaking violently, freezing and burning up at the same time. My skin became clammy and rubbery. Hemorrhagic cysts. Doctors told me that if I hadn’t come to the hospital when I did, that I could have died because my body had gone into a state of shock. I hate hospitals. My husband Seneca Howard made sure that I went this day.
Time would go by and some symptoms would be more moderate, while others would flare up vigorously. Touches to the surface of my skin were painful. When walking I would only put pressure on the tip of my left toe in order to help dissipate the pain on the left side of my body. It was a constant whirlwind of one thing along with another.
Lights, the bright of the sun, sounds, chewing, soft noises…even wind would bother me and would sometimes send my body into extreme attacks, so I began keeping sets of earplugs and sunglasses carefully stashed: by the bed, under my pillow, in my purse, in the pouch in my purse, in my car, in my husband’s car.
Hiding behind my normal active, rambunctious, and strong personality became relative work-around. I am a very interactive person and have always moved about quickly and with a fun attitude. I’d smile even though I was in severe pain; instead of speaking quickly, I’d look up as though in thought so that I’d give myself time to order my words; in church I’d lean against the cabinet behind me and hold onto the podium in front of me to keep my gait straight and to relieve pressure; I’d sidestep at just the right moment when I felt like I was about to fall… My husband began holding onto my right arm and would gently rub me to help calm symptoms if he could. Then, he began to pick up driving longer distances for me.
On the last weekend of August 2018, I wound up in the emergency room. My husband had watched me in the days leading up to it as my movements and speech became slower and slower and weaker.
In the very next week, my doctor ordered a direct admission to the hospital. One neurologist concerned about my nystagmus and gait, the other concerned about my sensory perception, driving and increased level of activity that impressed upon the nerves. I was told to back off everything I was involved in.
In the months to come, getting better was not easy as it seemed. Although the time gave me better opportunities for rest and less interactions, I continued to experience symptoms on a lower level. I’ve experienced severe anxiety and distractions that prevented and interrupted the consistency of rest.
I was the woman with the issue of blood. I was the lame man.
Last year, after experiencing a series of these on-goings that became disruptors to my continued peace and rest, my husband introduced a spiritual measure of “discarding” for me: to give to God and discard of, through prayer, anything that would pose disruption to my sleep. At the end of the day just before going to bed, I was to write down in simple words things or categories that were causes of disruption. Pain? Write that down and place it in the jar. Twitching? Write that down, too. Once I’ve placed them in the jar, I must trust that it is fully in God’s hands and in His capacity to deal with. After giving these things to God, I was supposed to get back into writing in my blog, Passion Series. Summarize three things that I had experienced in my day and blog about it.
For a length of time I completed this assignment persistently. For a length of time after that, I completed the assignment, but not daily. Soon, I would be challenged by God (and hubbie) to maintain this process. My husband would always say that my healing is tied to that. Little did I know how much it would be.
On August 18, 2019, I made a new commitment to God. To never miss another daily unwind with Him. I haven’t missed a day since.
On the evening of Monday, September 2, 2019, God directed me to what He wanted me to begin to study in personal time with Him. On the morning of Wednesday, September 4, 2019 God persisted in His presentation. On that day, a new study was born and more time with Him was established. This became a part of my commitment, and I haven’t missed a day since.
On Friday morning, in the wee hours of October 4, 2019, I walked into my prayer closet having a little wobble and slight sway. As I prayed and communed with the Lord, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to “turn to the left.” As I began turning to the left, I felt a persistency to continue turning, turning, and turning. At some point, I felt the presence of the Lord as if He were on the outside and orchestrating the turn as one would be on the outside of a merry-go-round turning a round of friends quickly and more quickly. I heard the voice, “Do not be afraid.” As I turned and turned, I was brought to an abrupt and sudden stop facing the back of our closet doors with my hands raised and said, “Amen!” As I began to wonder what just happened in the Spirit, I turned and faced the back wall and suddenly my mouth fell agape. I looked down and I was standing in perfect alignment, without faltering, without pain or feeling like my left leg or the left of my back was twisted. I could only look up and look down and look up and down, acknowledging and understanding, with awe, what the Lord had just done for me. The Lord had given me an “unraveling” experience, affirmed my healing, and had told me that it is up to me to continue in and to maintain it. I cannot tell you the extreme joy I felt on this day. Words cannot describe. I ran into the bedroom and was exclaiming to my husband, Seneca, that the Lord just healed me! Here I was literally running and jumping aside without stumble showing my husband how freely I am walking and running about.
From that day forward, the Lord has kept to His promise with me. And I have kept my commitment to Him. Every day, I am committed to meeting Him in position so that I can keep my position. In doing so, the Lord has worked and is still working a few things out of me that contributed to my becoming “raveled” or “wound up.” He’s caused me to become more protective of my health – and of my spiritual life – by becoming more obedient to Him.
Every day is a commitment process for me. Where disruptors seek to persist, God’s Word over me exists even stronger. And I am expressedly thankful for this opportunity. Things may not always be perfect; but I can find that secret place in God amid it all.
This is just my story of healing. If you are experiencing ANY disparities or ANY level of brokenness, KNOW that the Lord can and will provide His comfort to you. Although I have had opportunities to share this with individuals personally, the Lord charged me with sharing this much more openly before this month came to an end. If you hear this, and if you have been seeking…know that the Lord has so much more in store for you.
Be blessed in all of His goodness.
– P.S., Kaye –